You might have noticed that you don't have a sibling. Or not, I don't know, you seem to feel that the dog is your sister. Will you be okay with that in the long run? I don't know, but I hope you are if it comes to that.
After you were born, I wasn't sure if I wanted to have another baby. I mean, it sucked. A lot. There were a lot of things about our "birth experience" that were not optimal, and that could potentially rear their ugly heads if we decided to have another kid. Or not - pregnancy is strange that way. But your father was more than sure that he didn't want to watch me go through all that again; I, at least, had something to do for most of it, he just had to stand by and watch me (and subsequently, you) suffer. As far as we were concerned, only crazy people had another kid straight away.
But last year I started thinking that yes, I wanted you to have a sibling. I have one, your Crazy Uncle Darcy, and your father has a sister. Both of us, your father and I, are about 3-1/2 years apart from our own siblings. Crazy Uncle Darcy and I were default play companions during our childhood, not so close as teenagers, and get along famously as adults (albeit infrequently). I started to feel that it was important for you to have that childhood playmate, that one person who truly understands the particular brand of insane your parents inflict on you. And maybe that one person who will be a shoulder for you to lean on when your parents are old and really nuts.
Unfortunately, about the same time my body began behaving rather strangely. Strange, as in, "not conducive to planning pregnancies". I went to my doctor and received a rather dire diagnosis, which cemented my desire to have another baby. Like, NOW.
Your father, surprisingly, agreed. He said he'd been talking himself into it, too. I just hadn't been around for the conversations.
Sadly, we are still baby-less. In my head, in my ideal timeline, I'd be giving you a sibling in the next few months, or maybe around the 3-1/2 year old mark, mirroring my own experience. (I'd like you to be out of diapers, maybe. Do you think you could work on that?) I'd be bloated and complaining of heartburn right this instant. But it's not looking...fecund, shall we say.
And, perhaps this is selfish of me, but I don't want to be waking up 5 times a night to feed a newborn when I'm 40. There is a rapidly narrowing window of opportunity here.
So, sweetie, we really want to give you a little brother or sister to torture. But you might have to make do with the dog.
(At least she's easier to replace.)
(Oops, did I say that out loud?)
Posted in conjunction with ControverSundays over at Perpetuas.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
9 comments:
I pretty much had myself convinced that Olivia would be an only child, because I had several bad months before I got suitably medicated and all the weird, torturous things that my mind was doing to me stopped. And the idea of that being a possibility again scared the living crap out of me. Fortunately, things are different now, and all is well.
The upshot to the 7 year difference between the girls is that Olivia is an awesome fetcher of things. Plus she's potty trained :).
Over time I've found that when you don't plan is when babies happen. Or at least it did for us.
Babies remind us that we have no control over life. So it's a good thing we can easily adopt dogs :-)
Great post. We're not having the easiest time conceiving either, so I want to just throw you an e-hug.
What's strange is that we had trouble the first time around, and I was devastated. All I could think about was getting pregnant. But now, every month, along with the disappointment comes another odd emotion - relief. Because I had a rough pregnancy, and an even rougher post-partum period, and I am just not sure I'm tough enough to do it all again and still be a good mom.
These conflicting emotions are weird, but somewhat helpful in mitigating the desperation and obsession of fertility issues. Silver linings, right?
It's kind of crazy how our minds and bodies are so often not on the same page...I know that whichever way it goes.....he'll be one super happy kid!
My boys are 18 mos. apart and you are right, it is insane. I don't want another until MW is at least 3.
I hope your body gets itself in gear.
I wish I had something cool to say. My brother and I are 8 years apart and really, really close. It can still happen.
Hugs.
My oldest sister is 10 years older than me...sometimes big gaps are good.
My boys are 3.5 years apart and my window for another is rapidly closing. It makes me sad, but it is what it is.
No matter what happens, things always have a way of working out.
I know how you feel. Having my daughter (now 5) nearly killed me... like, really. And just when Hubs and I had almost talked ourselves into trying for #2 my body started doing crazy things. So we're done.
It breaks my heart that my daughter won't have a sibling. Like you and your brother, me and mine are 3 years apart and don't see each other much. But he's still *my brother* and knows me in a way nobody else does.
It's hard. I hear ya.
Post a Comment