I explained it to you, of course, as best as I could, where your father’s father – your “Melville Grandpa” – was. You knew why we went to the hospital - because he was there, and he was very sick; you knew that everybody was sad.
“Why is Melville Grandma sad?” you wanted to know.
“Sweetie, Melville Grandma is very sad because Grandpa died. Do you know what that means?”
You shook your head solemnly.
“It means that his body stopped working, and the doctors couldn’t fix it. So he had to go away…and he can’t come back. So Grandma misses him very much.”
“Oh, his body is broken?”
“Um…yes. Sometimes bodies break.”
You thought about this.
“My body won’t break,” you stated.
“No!” I assured you hastily. “No, your body is perfectly healthy, and so are Mommy’s and Daddy’s. Nobody else’s body will break for a very long time.”
“Oh, and Grandpa went away?”
“Yes, he had to go away, and he can’t come back.”
“Where did he go?”
“Um. Well. Nobody really knows, sweetie.”
You waited, unsatisfied with this answer.
“…but I’m sure it’s somewhere good.” I finished lamely.
(There are definitely times that it would be easier to be religious.)
You re-confirm the details with me almost daily, which doesn’t mean that you understand or don’t understand, only that you are 3 (almost 4! Gah!). You ask me the same questions about all kinds of things daily, to confirm that the answers haven’t changed. Or that I’m not lying to you.
I hope that we can tell you enough about your Melville Grandpa that you feel you know him, as you get older. I hope that you will have memories of your own that will stay. He loved you so much – and you brought him such incredible joy. His face lit up with every single thing you did – you were the highlight of his day sometimes, I think.
(You are pretty charming, although he didn’t have to potty train you.)
It isn’t fair, at all, that he won’t be around to watch you get bigger, go to school, hit a baseball, fall in love, all the rest of it. It isn’t fair at all that you won’t have him around to talk about trains, buy you gifts I’ve forbidden, show you how to mow the lawn, give you advice.
But he packed a lot of love into the first few years of your life, and that’s gotta count for something.
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9 comments:
It isn't fair, isn't it? That picture, and this post, is precious. I'm sorry to hear about your loss.
I'm so sorry to read about X's Grandpa. It's so hard to answer those tough questions about death, even when you are religious! I think talking about my mom with my girls have helped me go through the grieving process. All their questions made it impossible for me to deny the fact than I lost my mom. I know that Xander will never forget his grandpa--kids have amazing memories.
Oh I am so sorry to hear this. I have found tha tfor kids death is so hard to understand but if you are willing to talk about it with them and answer questions it gets easier for them. Good luck and you are in our thoughts.
Sorry for you loss Keels, xo.
I'm so sorry for your loss, Keely! What a beautiful tribute to X's grandfather - he sounds like he was an amazing man, father and grandpa. ((HUGZ!!))
So sorry for you guys. We (just 3 days ago) lost my father in law and my kids' grandpa. His circumstances were dramatically different, so we have refrained from sharing everything with her. She is handling it the same way Xander seems to be, though. I wish we had pictures like this! We have been going through what we have and realized that most of the time they spent with him we weren't with them and couldn't take pictures. Beautiful, beautiful post.
Sorry to read this, although it's a lovely, touching post. Thinking of you.
Touched my heart.
I am so sorry to hear about your FIL. That picture of them together is a keeper for sure. Jamie's dad died suddenly last year so we are in a similar boat. I hope you guys are doing well..
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